Don't Ask Why

Don't ask why the sun shines
Just know that it does
Don't ask why this mind wonders
Just know that it's lost

Everything in life
can have a reason
Or happen...
for no reason at all
So many things
this heart questions
Torn between here and gone

If truths were told in each moment
No more secrets
kept deep inside
I cringe at the images you send me
Hide behind
this lie of being a wife...

Support me financially...
Sure you do.
But love me unconditionally?¿?...
Now, that... 
That's a lie.
I don't even know who you really are,
Ashamed of this life I'm trapped in...
Living a life that's secret...
Married,
And it feels like a sin.

Why?
Why do I hide from your calls?
Your messages?...
Hide from being online?
Because it's simply repulsive...
This mess that's tangled up
and still...
Called my life!!!

What is the answer?...
The solution I need?... 
Because all I really want,
is to be me...
Be me...
and be loved...
and be happy...
...
</3 something I know
that can just
Never be..

I'll just stay trapped
somewhere between
Lost and repulsed...
Waiting... 
Waiting to find me.

@s.irfanaleem 12-12-14