Repeat the Hurt

Play me the fool
use me for you
keep me on standby because I stay close to you

Regardless of what you truly feel
Tell me what you feel I need
Just keep me here
Long enough
Strong enough to stay
stay and bleed

Hurt me again and again
and yet I still cling to a hope
a glimpse of a maybe

Such a fool
but I am a believer ...
in dreams come true..
in fairytale endings...
in happiness after the heartache.. heartbreak
after the mending.

And yet... once again the dagger is turning
teardrops are warming
mind is screaming all the bitter warnings....

as you Reap upon me ..
the Repeat of hurt.
that will cry me to sleep for...
a hope in the morning
that maybe just maybe
...
one day... some day...
the hurt will no longer ...
Repeat


@s.vanderbilt 8.5.2018

Nurturing

Nurturing... giving
plant the plants... sow the seeds...
nurture them and watch them turn green
give to them the simple things..
and in appreciation they give ...
the sense of accomplishment, self worth,
pride in bringing beauty to the earth...


but ... I nurture a child...
love and adore... protect and teach
watch them grow up and leave...
then they come back and want and want more
and endless cycle it becomes... they
bring their own children... I nurture them with love
and it's still... more, more, more...

when does the sense of accomplishment, self worth,
pride... anything come from the seeds of my own life?

@s.vanderbilt 8.5.2018

Alternate Life

There lives in the mind the alternate life
the one filled with all the what ifs
the trails of the minds wanderings
as the days drift on by...
the never ending story that never gets lived.

Lost to the day dreams and the mental fantasies
while the reality of life forces the body to live and breath
Doing what's expected.  Interacting...where life has me planted
While in the soul....
this is not where my spirit is intended to grow.

Why can't he see that we belong to be...
Isn't this love strong enough to breath?

For me... I would walk away now,
just to be the woman to hold him each night
the one to share laughter and love with, each day of our lives.
Even thinking these thoughts silently breaks my heart...

For I know the truth is ... His choice is made and I didn't fill that part.
So I live in my mind the alternate life
the one filled with all the what ifs
the trails of the minds wanderings
as the days drift on by...

the never ending story that never gets lived.

@s.vanderbilt 8.5.2018