A flower buds and as it is seen,
the excitment and anticipation of what it will be,
bring a joy to the observer, a sensation of the expected.
A tiny robins egg is found in a nest,
the assurance of life that is still abreast,
the finder of such a precious thing, waits patiently.
A storm begins building in the air,
bringing with it lifes simple cares; lifes energy,
the witnesses of which stop to breath deeply.
A love is found, and allowed to breath,
the lust and longing fill them with need,
then love slows and catches with it...
the greatest feeling of tenderness...
the sweet sensation of simply knowing...
how precious love is to be bloomed and growing...
eyes close and moments freeze,
living in love for eternity... so tenderly, so sweetly, so completly.
@s.ray 1-31-2013
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Story
The lies they fold one by one
the story they tell sounds so captivating.
If I listen and believe I can almost envision
living out some of lifes far away fantasies.
Then I stand for a moment and clear my mind
realizing that is all these are ever going to become.
Knowing that when I was chosen to live life,
the person that was loved was something I wouldn't be.
I wouldnt become a woman of value,
of standing and great pride,
a woman that some man would want...
...standing by his side.
Strength is a blessing handed to me in life and yet,
I live with the feeling of such weakness still.
Gifts of understanding and humbleness have been given
and without them my life really would not have made me.
You fill me with the dream of becoming something I can't
because I know that each night...
..... it is her that sleeps under your hands.
@s.ray 1-30-2013
the story they tell sounds so captivating.
If I listen and believe I can almost envision
living out some of lifes far away fantasies.
Then I stand for a moment and clear my mind
realizing that is all these are ever going to become.
Knowing that when I was chosen to live life,
the person that was loved was something I wouldn't be.
I wouldnt become a woman of value,
of standing and great pride,
a woman that some man would want...
...standing by his side.
Strength is a blessing handed to me in life and yet,
I live with the feeling of such weakness still.
Gifts of understanding and humbleness have been given
and without them my life really would not have made me.
You fill me with the dream of becoming something I can't
because I know that each night...
..... it is her that sleeps under your hands.
@s.ray 1-30-2013
Hot Rain
Starting out just warm enough
to wash all the day away.
Then something eases,
and stops the body,
leaving it to soak this in.
Tempature turned up,
tensions release
then away it washes everything.
Thoughts flow freely,
muscles breath easy,
all the answers no longer seem the same.
This is the place,
best to find peace,
to become one with life again.
Stand and feeling
as the mind stops reeling,
lost in the pleasure of
the Hot Rain.
@s.ray 1-30-2013
to wash all the day away.
Then something eases,
and stops the body,
leaving it to soak this in.
Tempature turned up,
tensions release
then away it washes everything.
Thoughts flow freely,
muscles breath easy,
all the answers no longer seem the same.
This is the place,
best to find peace,
to become one with life again.
Stand and feeling
as the mind stops reeling,
lost in the pleasure of
the Hot Rain.
@s.ray 1-30-2013
Never Think
When the words dont seem
to fill the air like they used to..
or be recieved with a welcome brand new..
Don't stop speaking the words.
Never think outside of you,
and try to imagine what others feel.
Thoughts can take you to places
only you can see.
Filling your mind and soul,
with what only you believe.
If the welcome comes to feel faded one day,
it simply might be because they want you to stay.
You've become a part of their very existance,
not a shadow that to -- they barely listen.
Never think of taking your words,
never think of silencing a space...
unless one day you are asked to leave with grace.
@s.ray
to fill the air like they used to..
or be recieved with a welcome brand new..
Don't stop speaking the words.
Never think outside of you,
and try to imagine what others feel.
Thoughts can take you to places
only you can see.
Filling your mind and soul,
with what only you believe.
If the welcome comes to feel faded one day,
it simply might be because they want you to stay.
You've become a part of their very existance,
not a shadow that to -- they barely listen.
Never think of taking your words,
never think of silencing a space...
unless one day you are asked to leave with grace.
@s.ray
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Erased
You give to me all I need
The perfect words,
always the right beat.
I cherish you and keep you safe.
An extension of my life
is the path you take.
Then just in an instant
in a choice unintentional,
the connection we have
is no longer meant to be so.
I trust you to give me what i want.
Then I touch you and its now all gone.
Erased....
All the memories you saved,
the perfect words, the treasured songs,
all the right beats,
the reason I cherish and turn you on.
By a simple and inocent mistake made,
It all has to restart in a single day.
New memories now will begin,
new rythms to work to at the gym.
New songs will have to be learned,
beats to think to, words to listen to.
Whatever happens, here or gone,
I will always love,
my dear IPOD!
@s.ray 1-29-2013
The perfect words,
always the right beat.
I cherish you and keep you safe.
An extension of my life
is the path you take.
Then just in an instant
in a choice unintentional,
the connection we have
is no longer meant to be so.
I trust you to give me what i want.
Then I touch you and its now all gone.
Erased....
All the memories you saved,
the perfect words, the treasured songs,
all the right beats,
the reason I cherish and turn you on.
By a simple and inocent mistake made,
It all has to restart in a single day.
New memories now will begin,
new rythms to work to at the gym.
New songs will have to be learned,
beats to think to, words to listen to.
Whatever happens, here or gone,
I will always love,
my dear IPOD!
@s.ray 1-29-2013
Monday, January 28, 2013
Bound
So innocent and nieve to the world around,
still believing that hope will surround.
The people she believes in trusts and knows,
they are the ones who will shatter her world.
Left all alone by a mother and father,
now brought into the family she is kin to.
Growing up dreaming of better tomorrows,
looking for ways to hide the sorrows.
Laughter and memories fill the younger years,
now jealousy and evny ring through her tears.
He taught her to climb a tree, ride a bike...
sleigh ride and catch a snake... He made life right.
He was full of laughter, adventure and fun,
she hit puberty - when he turned 21.
The trusted member to watch over them,
secrets now were kept within....
From the innocent crush of a confused little girl,
to the reality of his drunken world.
She lost herself, and her purity to him...
leaving her feeling like lifes greatest sin.
Always living with the deepest of secrets,
never ready to confront them yet...
Just when life had brought her around,
to the point where answers could maybe be found.
... one last conversation, one hope in his voice...
Then Bang!!! . . .
These answers are no longer hers.
He took his life and with him went her...
the nieve little girl still trapped in that world.
No questions to ask, no answers to be found,
just the pain of loosing a person to which
....... she was now eternally bound.
In the darkness of her youth...
@s.ray 1-28-2013
still believing that hope will surround.
The people she believes in trusts and knows,
they are the ones who will shatter her world.
Left all alone by a mother and father,
now brought into the family she is kin to.
Growing up dreaming of better tomorrows,
looking for ways to hide the sorrows.
Laughter and memories fill the younger years,
now jealousy and evny ring through her tears.
He taught her to climb a tree, ride a bike...
sleigh ride and catch a snake... He made life right.
He was full of laughter, adventure and fun,
she hit puberty - when he turned 21.
The trusted member to watch over them,
secrets now were kept within....
From the innocent crush of a confused little girl,
to the reality of his drunken world.
She lost herself, and her purity to him...
leaving her feeling like lifes greatest sin.
Always living with the deepest of secrets,
never ready to confront them yet...
Just when life had brought her around,
to the point where answers could maybe be found.
... one last conversation, one hope in his voice...
Then Bang!!! . . .
These answers are no longer hers.
He took his life and with him went her...
the nieve little girl still trapped in that world.
No questions to ask, no answers to be found,
just the pain of loosing a person to which
....... she was now eternally bound.
In the darkness of her youth...
@s.ray 1-28-2013
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Friendship
A feeling of trust
shared between two
The give and take
that pulls us through
To stick by each other
Through bad and good
knowing we'll do
the best we could
Good ones are rare
and hard to come by
It's something we build
better with time.
Keeping a part of it
held deep inside
Maybe someday
we'll bring it to life.
s.vanderbilt 1989
shared between two
The give and take
that pulls us through
To stick by each other
Through bad and good
knowing we'll do
the best we could
Good ones are rare
and hard to come by
It's something we build
better with time.
Keeping a part of it
held deep inside
Maybe someday
we'll bring it to life.
s.vanderbilt 1989
Game of Society
How can I make you see,
all the things hurting me?
Could you ever really know,
what it is to have no place to go.
No mother or father to raise me,
nobody there to praise me.
Living on and off the streets,
with morons intellects and freaks.
It's called the Game of Society,
make life what its supposed to be.
Never let your feelings show,
Nobody sees, nobody knows.
s.vanderbilt 12-1985
all the things hurting me?
Could you ever really know,
what it is to have no place to go.
No mother or father to raise me,
nobody there to praise me.
Living on and off the streets,
with morons intellects and freaks.
It's called the Game of Society,
make life what its supposed to be.
Never let your feelings show,
Nobody sees, nobody knows.
s.vanderbilt 12-1985
Just to
It happens so slowly that the changes aren't seen
until one day you begin to think...
When did it start? Is it anything at all?
So you search for the answers and trust the call.
Reassurance you find in the spoken words,
"Just to rule out" ... and the rest is unheard.
You become a drone as you travel the path,
from this place to that place... answers to be had.
Once again you come to hear, answers for which you search.
Then one word is spoken and the rest is a rush,
of jumbled up - mixed up words that crush.
In an instant all of life is changed...
Cancer now takes its place.
Life takes on new focus, new words you must learn,
new patterns of living - it becomes like a dream.
Spiraling faster than you ever have,
you find yourself feeling like you are going mad.
What is it? where did it come from?, how did it get here...
inside of ME! .... What did I do, what should have changed...
why is knowledge leaving me feeling so deranged.
They know the answers, they hold the keys.
Do you trust them because they hold the Ph.D?
Or trust the voices that inside you run free?
Fighting for what you know to be true,
for the will that you see pulling you through.
Take it or leave it what ever you choose...
this new invader is now a part of you.
Forever it will be a part of your life...
in memory - in present... the reason you fight.
Never being able to go back again,
never to the moment before it began.
s.ray
until one day you begin to think...
When did it start? Is it anything at all?
So you search for the answers and trust the call.
Reassurance you find in the spoken words,
"Just to rule out" ... and the rest is unheard.
You become a drone as you travel the path,
from this place to that place... answers to be had.
Once again you come to hear, answers for which you search.
Then one word is spoken and the rest is a rush,
of jumbled up - mixed up words that crush.
In an instant all of life is changed...
Cancer now takes its place.
Life takes on new focus, new words you must learn,
new patterns of living - it becomes like a dream.
Spiraling faster than you ever have,
you find yourself feeling like you are going mad.
What is it? where did it come from?, how did it get here...
inside of ME! .... What did I do, what should have changed...
why is knowledge leaving me feeling so deranged.
They know the answers, they hold the keys.
Do you trust them because they hold the Ph.D?
Or trust the voices that inside you run free?
Fighting for what you know to be true,
for the will that you see pulling you through.
Take it or leave it what ever you choose...
this new invader is now a part of you.
Forever it will be a part of your life...
in memory - in present... the reason you fight.
Never being able to go back again,
never to the moment before it began.
s.ray
So Far
you have no idea
what goes through this mind
you dont understand the beating of this heart
you lose yourself in feelings of you
robbing me blind of dreams come true
lost in what you think are thoughts
....dot dot dot ..... is all you see
when inside my insides begin to cringe
the differences once blind to me
are now so clear and releasing
they give me power to live again
my heart and soul are like no other
i am not a tool to simply provide pleasure
in touch is how you think we are
not seeing that we really are So Far...
s.ray
what goes through this mind
you dont understand the beating of this heart
you lose yourself in feelings of you
robbing me blind of dreams come true
lost in what you think are thoughts
....dot dot dot ..... is all you see
when inside my insides begin to cringe
the differences once blind to me
are now so clear and releasing
they give me power to live again
my heart and soul are like no other
i am not a tool to simply provide pleasure
in touch is how you think we are
not seeing that we really are So Far...
s.ray
Not Me
You say you love me,
but is it me you love?
I look at a face and know,
it is not the me inside.
The mind is a maze,
trying to stear you away.
I find power in knowing
that there still hide...
monsters within,
that can easily destroy
this happiness found
like a kids old toy.
Hate and anger breed,
doubt and animosity.
Love is a peacful moment
of wishful thought,
a feeling humanity forever
dreams of.
Yet one that the mind
can not grasp...
Because its not real,
does not exist-
or because they are words
spoken from human lips.
You love me, you say...
Then dont walk away
when the monters within
come out to play.
Dont turn and look for a face,
when the me you dont see-
is standing in the way.
s.ray 1-27-2013
but is it me you love?
I look at a face and know,
it is not the me inside.
The mind is a maze,
trying to stear you away.
I find power in knowing
that there still hide...
monsters within,
that can easily destroy
this happiness found
like a kids old toy.
Hate and anger breed,
doubt and animosity.
Love is a peacful moment
of wishful thought,
a feeling humanity forever
dreams of.
Yet one that the mind
can not grasp...
Because its not real,
does not exist-
or because they are words
spoken from human lips.
You love me, you say...
Then dont walk away
when the monters within
come out to play.
Dont turn and look for a face,
when the me you dont see-
is standing in the way.
s.ray 1-27-2013
Thursday, January 24, 2013
A Teaching Space
They come here to learn,
to grow and achieve.
They will develope ambitions
they just want us to believe.
The things that they see and
how they are treated.
Will teach them to view
what the world around them is.
Yet now there are police here,
claiming to bring peace.
This space of teaching -
is a place of fear, rage and unease.
Handcuffs and screaming,
Lockdowns and more...
simply because
of the youth being born?
They live what they see,
do what they know...
speak what they are taught...
and just need to show... ...
They are youth.... simple and pure,
just as we were.... growing and learning,
waiting to be taught... wanting to love,
needing to succeed... Gifts from above.
They have ambitions, hopes and dreams.
We can not walk on them so forcefully!
Trample them down before they grow.
What will become of this world we know?
@s.ray 1-24-2013
to grow and achieve.
They will develope ambitions
they just want us to believe.
The things that they see and
how they are treated.
Will teach them to view
what the world around them is.
Yet now there are police here,
claiming to bring peace.
This space of teaching -
is a place of fear, rage and unease.
Handcuffs and screaming,
Lockdowns and more...
simply because
of the youth being born?
They live what they see,
do what they know...
speak what they are taught...
and just need to show... ...
They are youth.... simple and pure,
just as we were.... growing and learning,
waiting to be taught... wanting to love,
needing to succeed... Gifts from above.
They have ambitions, hopes and dreams.
We can not walk on them so forcefully!
Trample them down before they grow.
What will become of this world we know?
@s.ray 1-24-2013
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Education
What is this place...
when did it develope?
I dont remember it here
when I had to grow up...
A world of anger
A place full of fears
constantly fighting
against our peers.
Police in schools
claim to bring peace...
yet they bring fear and rage
and cause unease.
Demanding not gaining
the respect they desire.
Is it no wonder
the disorder spreads wide here?
Children in handcuffs
locked behind doors,
what ever happened
to classes and chalkboards.
Growing and learning
to hate and mistrust,
what will become of
the world after us?
@s.ray 1-23-2013
when did it develope?
I dont remember it here
when I had to grow up...
A world of anger
A place full of fears
constantly fighting
against our peers.
Police in schools
claim to bring peace...
yet they bring fear and rage
and cause unease.
Demanding not gaining
the respect they desire.
Is it no wonder
the disorder spreads wide here?
Children in handcuffs
locked behind doors,
what ever happened
to classes and chalkboards.
Growing and learning
to hate and mistrust,
what will become of
the world after us?
@s.ray 1-23-2013
Family !!!
It's all good... we Stood together as a family ... they can act crazy and scar your little sister... but in the long run... they lose... because nobody knows the strength of family!!!! .... what they did today will just become a memory, what we did today will bind us together That Much STRONGER!!! ....
Eyes of Innocence
What does it look like
what does she see?
When the people she loves
are caught up in screams?
The world she lives in
trusts and cherishs.
Now it is threatened,
do we see how scared she is?
Standing and watching,
as it all unfolds.
As so quickly and instantly,
her world becomes untold.
Confused and lost,
yet grasping it all.
Looking for answers,
where will the pieces fall.
The reality is the things we do...
always look different...
..... through the Eyes of Innocence.
@S.Ray 1-23-2013
what does she see?
When the people she loves
are caught up in screams?
The world she lives in
trusts and cherishs.
Now it is threatened,
do we see how scared she is?
Standing and watching,
as it all unfolds.
As so quickly and instantly,
her world becomes untold.
Confused and lost,
yet grasping it all.
Looking for answers,
where will the pieces fall.
The reality is the things we do...
always look different...
..... through the Eyes of Innocence.
@S.Ray 1-23-2013
Instinct
Its a Human Thing!
So please understand...
When you drive it to this,
you pushed my hand.
The mind can control actions
and do what is right...
but when you enter the nature,
of fight or flight---
well... it's INSTINCT!
The emotions take over,
adrenaline pumps...
wether its fear, love, or anger;
It is a Driving rush.
The words and the actions,
the flow from within,
can destroy all they touch,
Like storm force winds.
The things that matter most
become the defended...
taking it to limits never intended.
Don't look at me different when..
all of this ends... just look and know...
It is Instinct that Defends.
I will stand by, honor, love and respect...
always hold dear...
cherish and protect.
So do not challenge,
do not disgrace,
just step back and respect this space.
@ s.ray 1-23-2013
So please understand...
When you drive it to this,
you pushed my hand.
The mind can control actions
and do what is right...
but when you enter the nature,
of fight or flight---
well... it's INSTINCT!
The emotions take over,
adrenaline pumps...
wether its fear, love, or anger;
It is a Driving rush.
The words and the actions,
the flow from within,
can destroy all they touch,
Like storm force winds.
The things that matter most
become the defended...
taking it to limits never intended.
Don't look at me different when..
all of this ends... just look and know...
It is Instinct that Defends.
I will stand by, honor, love and respect...
always hold dear...
cherish and protect.
So do not challenge,
do not disgrace,
just step back and respect this space.
@ s.ray 1-23-2013
This Is Why I Break
Shattered pieces around me lay
as many times before.
I carefully sit and place them
neatly on the floor.
To sort through and fix
one by one, until there is no more.
Then the world will always come
and scatter these pieces around
Leaving me to quickly place them
in a tower that is quickly bound.
Not sturdy or stable can it be built
in the moments it must go up.
Never strong never sturdy,
always built in a rush.
Then the storm will pass,
and the pieces come down,
to be sorted out once more.
Placed so neatly in front of me,
which ones to fix or which to store.
Never getting the chance to finish,
before they are scattered once more.
This is why I break.
This is why I crumble.
The tower that stands is bound together,
by pieces of broken rubble.
@s.ray
as many times before.
I carefully sit and place them
neatly on the floor.
To sort through and fix
one by one, until there is no more.
Then the world will always come
and scatter these pieces around
Leaving me to quickly place them
in a tower that is quickly bound.
Not sturdy or stable can it be built
in the moments it must go up.
Never strong never sturdy,
always built in a rush.
Then the storm will pass,
and the pieces come down,
to be sorted out once more.
Placed so neatly in front of me,
which ones to fix or which to store.
Never getting the chance to finish,
before they are scattered once more.
This is why I break.
This is why I crumble.
The tower that stands is bound together,
by pieces of broken rubble.
@s.ray
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
release
ask me...
--for the truth
let me...
--tell you for me
listen...
--as i let this tear fall
know the reason,
the reason why,
then...
--then you can
make it better...
tell me...
--everything is all right.
@s.ray 1-22-2013
--for the truth
let me...
--tell you for me
listen...
--as i let this tear fall
know the reason,
the reason why,
then...
--then you can
make it better...
tell me...
--everything is all right.
@s.ray 1-22-2013
make it feel, make it real
suddenly spinning begining to reel
both heart and mind...
punched by life is how it feels
the breath just sucked right out of you
grabbing whatever it is you find
to be the one in control this time
staring at a face you do not know
wanting desperatly for these feelings to show
pausing and bracing to feel the hurt
waiting for the bruises and blood to prove
there is something... you are alive...
some where inside this place called you
@s.ray
both heart and mind...
punched by life is how it feels
the breath just sucked right out of you
grabbing whatever it is you find
to be the one in control this time
staring at a face you do not know
wanting desperatly for these feelings to show
pausing and bracing to feel the hurt
waiting for the bruises and blood to prove
there is something... you are alive...
some where inside this place called you
@s.ray
United we Fall... Divided we Stand
Go... get out of me!
The tears have been shed,
the scars have been cut,
you have hide long enough..
behind this web of lies!
Stop stealing my heart,
these wings are meant to soar.
This mind is my place,
to be controlled no more!
Each sound - smell - noise I hear...
is meant for now.
Not to grip me in fear,
they are not yours, get out of me!
Go... with all the other pieces.
What makes you feel...
this is where your eternal rein is?
Do you not see that if you stay...
we will both stay on this ride
we both suffer until we die...
United we fall.... Divided we Stand.
so, Go... Get out of me!
Set my mind and spirit free!
@ s.ray 1-22-2013
The tears have been shed,
the scars have been cut,
you have hide long enough..
behind this web of lies!
Stop stealing my heart,
these wings are meant to soar.
This mind is my place,
to be controlled no more!
Each sound - smell - noise I hear...
is meant for now.
Not to grip me in fear,
they are not yours, get out of me!
Go... with all the other pieces.
What makes you feel...
this is where your eternal rein is?
Do you not see that if you stay...
we will both stay on this ride
we both suffer until we die...
United we fall.... Divided we Stand.
so, Go... Get out of me!
Set my mind and spirit free!
@ s.ray 1-22-2013
Monday, January 21, 2013
Answer .... to One
one sky... one breeze... over one nation....
but we do not get to choose these...
we do not choose the nation of our birth...
the breeze we feel the whole world feels....
the sky and stars we search upon...
for answers and comforts near and far... is the same...
even for the far away lands...
wether in turmoil, peace, or all out war....
the sands that blow and rain that falls...
is the same for each human that can breath...
the beauty and comforts we live with each day...
can be claimed as ours and held as one
yet this 'one' is a melting pot... of all of all the nations we find,
one and one and one
to create a place we can stand tall....
while on this day we welcome with celebration...
there are hostages, prisioners, soldiers... not within this nation...
there are those who will not share in this...
there are those who will not care of this...
but a changing of the guard for us has always come peacfully
thankful we should stand.. for our freedoms, and our liberties.
"compassionate".. we should feel for those
who do not know of these...
take the moment to ponder the thought
of all the world that today has not...
does not live in peace,... prosperity,... freedom,... and safety.
for all the rest that makes this world one... all the rest - outside our nation.
s.ray 1-21-2013
but we do not get to choose these...
we do not choose the nation of our birth...
the breeze we feel the whole world feels....
the sky and stars we search upon...
for answers and comforts near and far... is the same...
even for the far away lands...
wether in turmoil, peace, or all out war....
the sands that blow and rain that falls...
is the same for each human that can breath...
the beauty and comforts we live with each day...
can be claimed as ours and held as one
yet this 'one' is a melting pot... of all of all the nations we find,
one and one and one
to create a place we can stand tall....
while on this day we welcome with celebration...
there are hostages, prisioners, soldiers... not within this nation...
there are those who will not share in this...
there are those who will not care of this...
but a changing of the guard for us has always come peacfully
thankful we should stand.. for our freedoms, and our liberties.
"compassionate".. we should feel for those
who do not know of these...
take the moment to ponder the thought
of all the world that today has not...
does not live in peace,... prosperity,... freedom,... and safety.
for all the rest that makes this world one... all the rest - outside our nation.
s.ray 1-21-2013
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Final Voice
as doors were opened
secrets revealed
connections created
walls waited to be built...
the stirring was there
recognition of desire
leading on paths
that would take us higher...
fears to be faced
dreams to be woven
hopes starting to fade
until words ... were spoken..
in an instant its known
with all that breaths
this is the final voice
i will ever need...
s.ray
secrets revealed
connections created
walls waited to be built...
the stirring was there
recognition of desire
leading on paths
that would take us higher...
fears to be faced
dreams to be woven
hopes starting to fade
until words ... were spoken..
in an instant its known
with all that breaths
this is the final voice
i will ever need...
s.ray
Escaping Words
you ask me where they come from
how can you learn to write like me
you wonder how it happens
that from me thoughts can run free
you look at my words
you see something great
confused and ashamed i sit silently and wait.
how is it you find beauty
in the pain i release
where do you find wonder
from my escaping words
you see a talent.... i feel a curse.
s.ray 1-20-2013
thank you Tyler ..
how can you learn to write like me
you wonder how it happens
that from me thoughts can run free
you look at my words
you see something great
confused and ashamed i sit silently and wait.
how is it you find beauty
in the pain i release
where do you find wonder
from my escaping words
you see a talent.... i feel a curse.
s.ray 1-20-2013
thank you Tyler ..
A Mothers Heart
It forms so completly from the moment she learns
building and building with each kick she feels
expecting and dreaming of all you will be
beating its strongest the moment she sees...
this little person, these hands and feet... the heart inside
is no longer hers... its yours.
....
life gives her reason, drives her with passion
waiting so patiently for your life to happen
moments she can chersih, firsts of everything
you have complete control of her newfound heart strings...
and you grow....
fill her life with laughter, fill her heart with love.
give her life meaning and help her find strength.
she will go beyond herself to move mountains for you
giving you values and lessons to hold onto...
.... the journey moves on...
then slowly you will learn that you can think for yourself
you will now want independance more than anything else
but remember the voices, remember the words...
remember...
because as strong as she stands--Her Heart--will never forget
the knives you drag through it ... while finding yourself...
the hurt will cut deeply and much stronger than you see
she can always cover up what damage is done...
she will always show the heart that came to life...
when you were born...
but pain will be there... the scars will remain....
the tears she sheds... will never be seen. . . .
@s.ray 1-20-2013
building and building with each kick she feels
expecting and dreaming of all you will be
beating its strongest the moment she sees...
this little person, these hands and feet... the heart inside
is no longer hers... its yours.
....
life gives her reason, drives her with passion
waiting so patiently for your life to happen
moments she can chersih, firsts of everything
you have complete control of her newfound heart strings...
and you grow....
fill her life with laughter, fill her heart with love.
give her life meaning and help her find strength.
she will go beyond herself to move mountains for you
giving you values and lessons to hold onto...
.... the journey moves on...
then slowly you will learn that you can think for yourself
you will now want independance more than anything else
but remember the voices, remember the words...
remember...
because as strong as she stands--Her Heart--will never forget
the knives you drag through it ... while finding yourself...
the hurt will cut deeply and much stronger than you see
she can always cover up what damage is done...
she will always show the heart that came to life...
when you were born...
but pain will be there... the scars will remain....
the tears she sheds... will never be seen. . . .
@s.ray 1-20-2013
Not my Kingdom
The place is mine... from what the outsider sees
a place where I choose what I am going to be
imagine a place where I control emotions
I control how I feel when I hear the words spoken
a world free to be filled with whatever
filled with all of lifes joys and pleasures
where the pain can be stopped when its more than I want
the demons can be locked away safely in a box....
imagine.... because thats what it would be... imagining.
This place is not really mine, its not what you see
I have little control of what I might wake up and be
emotions control me and I am the victim
when words are spoken I cant really hear them
this world hurts and is filled with daggers
woven together by the fantasy of pleasure
the valve is opened and everything hurts ~ every action.. every word
the demons rein as I hide in this cave
swallowing hard to keep up the sharade
wishing and wanting some day to be free...
imagining maybe it could happen to me...
@s.ray 1-20-2013
a place where I choose what I am going to be
imagine a place where I control emotions
I control how I feel when I hear the words spoken
a world free to be filled with whatever
filled with all of lifes joys and pleasures
where the pain can be stopped when its more than I want
the demons can be locked away safely in a box....
imagine.... because thats what it would be... imagining.
This place is not really mine, its not what you see
I have little control of what I might wake up and be
emotions control me and I am the victim
when words are spoken I cant really hear them
this world hurts and is filled with daggers
woven together by the fantasy of pleasure
the valve is opened and everything hurts ~ every action.. every word
the demons rein as I hide in this cave
swallowing hard to keep up the sharade
wishing and wanting some day to be free...
imagining maybe it could happen to me...
@s.ray 1-20-2013
Saturday, January 19, 2013
What Makes Me Happy
It can't be bought
it has no price to be sold
the value of my happiness
is greater than all the World's Gold
Echoing within the walls of my home
silently waiting to be seen by one
Felt deeply within my very soul
its everything that makes me whole.
Never demanding to be seen
or boasting to be felt
It is there for me to treasure
if I can pause from all else.
The giggles of children
the laughter of family
the simple words spoken
that capture so completely.
Sunlight casting through the window
can make the face of a loved one glow
Hushed conversations of imaginations
-that let you know little minds grow.
The little arms that hug and little hands so sweet
these moments that create lifetime memories
Trials we face that pull us together
letting us know this bond is forever.
Happiness in my world surrounds me
waiting quietly to be found...
If blinded by lifes stresses, I might so easily
miss lifes greatest treasures...
.... in the love that abounds me....
s.ray 1-19-2013
it has no price to be sold
the value of my happiness
is greater than all the World's Gold
Echoing within the walls of my home
silently waiting to be seen by one
Felt deeply within my very soul
its everything that makes me whole.
Never demanding to be seen
or boasting to be felt
It is there for me to treasure
if I can pause from all else.
The giggles of children
the laughter of family
the simple words spoken
that capture so completely.
Sunlight casting through the window
can make the face of a loved one glow
Hushed conversations of imaginations
-that let you know little minds grow.
The little arms that hug and little hands so sweet
these moments that create lifetime memories
Trials we face that pull us together
letting us know this bond is forever.
Happiness in my world surrounds me
waiting quietly to be found...
If blinded by lifes stresses, I might so easily
miss lifes greatest treasures...
.... in the love that abounds me....
s.ray 1-19-2013
Not by My Hand
You reached out ever so willingly
in search of what part of me?
Did you know that the extension you made
could so easily have been betrayed?
With words so simple and jesture so free
you managed to unlock the silence in me.
In a blink of an instant in the realm of eternity
my deepest of secrets came pouring out of me.
How did this happen, and why were you able
to open and fill the spaces within...
shining light through the paths of the inner me.
How did you so quickly become my hearts treasure...
my minds santuary...
Now I am filled with emotions so confusing
my vision is left in a state of reeling...
Searching desperatly for things to ground me
~ reflecting often on why you found me....
Totally captured within a new world
a place so enchanting... yet not actually real.
Captivated by someone so completely...
but someone that my eyes may never see.
As the thoughts build within my soul,
of gentle touches to ease ones mind
I am harshly reminded of things so real
that these are things that may never be... ...
touches that may come ...
comfort that longs to be revealed
yet they may only come from within...
~ Not by My Hand.... ....
in search of what part of me?
Did you know that the extension you made
could so easily have been betrayed?
With words so simple and jesture so free
you managed to unlock the silence in me.
In a blink of an instant in the realm of eternity
my deepest of secrets came pouring out of me.
How did this happen, and why were you able
to open and fill the spaces within...
shining light through the paths of the inner me.
How did you so quickly become my hearts treasure...
my minds santuary...
Now I am filled with emotions so confusing
my vision is left in a state of reeling...
Searching desperatly for things to ground me
~ reflecting often on why you found me....
Totally captured within a new world
a place so enchanting... yet not actually real.
Captivated by someone so completely...
but someone that my eyes may never see.
As the thoughts build within my soul,
of gentle touches to ease ones mind
I am harshly reminded of things so real
that these are things that may never be... ...
touches that may come ...
comfort that longs to be revealed
yet they may only come from within...
~ Not by My Hand.... ....
again really?
what is this driving me
filling my mind
starting as dreams
turning to nightmares
blissful I should be
filled with relaxation
lost in a world
of sleep and imagination
yet beyond all purpose
of what makes sense
I am tossing and turning
crying for an end
feeling things there
that cant possibly exist
pin pricks and needles
is what my bed is filled with
jumbled up rhtyms
making bits of sense
but never stopping
and giving my mind rest
filling my mind
starting as dreams
turning to nightmares
blissful I should be
filled with relaxation
lost in a world
of sleep and imagination
yet beyond all purpose
of what makes sense
I am tossing and turning
crying for an end
feeling things there
that cant possibly exist
pin pricks and needles
is what my bed is filled with
jumbled up rhtyms
making bits of sense
but never stopping
and giving my mind rest
Friday, January 18, 2013
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Insomnia Insanity
what is this thing that drives me to insanity
robs me of sleep and makes my body creep
anxiety ridden tension running through my veins
leaving my mind screaming... going insane
cant sit cant move cant lie still
nothing about me crys self will
oh how i long to close my eyes and find sleep
instead of this hell that lies between these sheets
fighting and kicking invisible demons
oh the peacful bliss i long for in dreams heavens
aching and tensing my body betrays me
creating this insomnia in-san-ity-!!
robs me of sleep and makes my body creep
anxiety ridden tension running through my veins
leaving my mind screaming... going insane
cant sit cant move cant lie still
nothing about me crys self will
oh how i long to close my eyes and find sleep
instead of this hell that lies between these sheets
fighting and kicking invisible demons
oh the peacful bliss i long for in dreams heavens
aching and tensing my body betrays me
creating this insomnia in-san-ity-!!
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
The Rose Within
where did I come from..
what was special about my birth.
was I delicatley planted...
or simply dropped to the earth.
did the sun shine brightly...
as my limbs began to spread.
or did I struggle through..
to gain my own breath.
these thorns in my side...
were they placed there for beauty?
or did they grow to protect,
from a world that surrounded me?
as I found the strength in time...
to let this inner beauty shine.
was it with the sun in my face,
or in the shadows that took its place?
or did that beauty struggle...
to lift its head and open up...
did it hide in the brambles...
to peek out now and then...
or grow tall and proud,
upon a beautiful stem.
as the beauty fades...
and petals fall one by one...
will I hold on to the last...
and remember from where it is
I came from?
or drop them in an instant...
and stand drying in the sun...
what was special about my birth.
was I delicatley planted...
or simply dropped to the earth.
did the sun shine brightly...
as my limbs began to spread.
or did I struggle through..
to gain my own breath.
these thorns in my side...
were they placed there for beauty?
or did they grow to protect,
from a world that surrounded me?
as I found the strength in time...
to let this inner beauty shine.
was it with the sun in my face,
or in the shadows that took its place?
or did that beauty struggle...
to lift its head and open up...
did it hide in the brambles...
to peek out now and then...
or grow tall and proud,
upon a beautiful stem.
as the beauty fades...
and petals fall one by one...
will I hold on to the last...
and remember from where it is
I came from?
or drop them in an instant...
and stand drying in the sun...
Monday, January 14, 2013
Unveil
Like a blooming flower
so young and delicate,
so fresh and new to the world...
this soul is unveiled
these walls are removed
so carefully, almost beautifully...
this soul was unvailed to live,
to breath and feel free.
Those walls so delicately removed ~
to clear the view in front of me,
so never again will I have to hide
behind anything...
The wind beneath this spirit
fills me, builds me...
This is my life,
Don't Tread on it so Freely!
so young and delicate,
so fresh and new to the world...
this soul is unveiled
these walls are removed
so carefully, almost beautifully...
this soul was unvailed to live,
to breath and feel free.
Those walls so delicately removed ~
to clear the view in front of me,
so never again will I have to hide
behind anything...
The wind beneath this spirit
fills me, builds me...
This is my life,
Don't Tread on it so Freely!
Moment of Strength
The prostitue who goes to work one night
and spends hours begging for her life
and the life of her unborn child....
making it home all bloody and bruised
but making it home alive.
She goes to sleep crying and clinging to her children,
thanking God...
then as the sun sets on another day
she gets in the shower,
picks out her clothes,
and hides those bruises...
kisses the kids and walks...
back down the street where fate almost took her life
the night before.
She stands tall,
looks beautiful,
smiles at all that she meets,
and then goes home,
showers and cries herself to sleep
clinging her children
thanking God.
Boston, MA 1995
and spends hours begging for her life
and the life of her unborn child....
making it home all bloody and bruised
but making it home alive.
She goes to sleep crying and clinging to her children,
thanking God...
then as the sun sets on another day
she gets in the shower,
picks out her clothes,
and hides those bruises...
kisses the kids and walks...
back down the street where fate almost took her life
the night before.
She stands tall,
looks beautiful,
smiles at all that she meets,
and then goes home,
showers and cries herself to sleep
clinging her children
thanking God.
Boston, MA 1995
Friday, January 11, 2013
Entitled
Entitled
What makes you this
why do you feel
the things you deserve
are what you are entitled to?
What gives you the right
or offers the claim
to the things I worked for
and still haven't gained?
Years of my life
blood, sweat, tears, and yes pain
are but some of the sacrafices
given to hope for some gain.
Yet now you stand,
all dignant and loud...
Demanding the things you feel
"Entitled to"....
Sacrafice
I gave of my life
my time was no longer mine
the time that I slept
you chose in the end.
Anger--a feeling I dread to feel
yet a journey you often drug me thorugh
my body changed, my goals in life altered
for the sacrifices I made
for my sons and daughters....
now it's time for me to claim.
Claim my time, my life, my tears, my sweat...
claim it all for the reward I have ...
....EARNED...
What makes you this
why do you feel
the things you deserve
are what you are entitled to?
What gives you the right
or offers the claim
to the things I worked for
and still haven't gained?
Years of my life
blood, sweat, tears, and yes pain
are but some of the sacrafices
given to hope for some gain.
Yet now you stand,
all dignant and loud...
Demanding the things you feel
"Entitled to"....
Sacrafice
I gave of my life
my time was no longer mine
the time that I slept
you chose in the end.
Anger--a feeling I dread to feel
yet a journey you often drug me thorugh
my body changed, my goals in life altered
for the sacrifices I made
for my sons and daughters....
now it's time for me to claim.
Claim my time, my life, my tears, my sweat...
claim it all for the reward I have ...
....EARNED...
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Lo-St
Is this Love or is this Lust?
You make me smile, a little more on the inside.
I feel childish and free when I am by your side.
Truths flow from my lips, secrets I should have kept.
Ways for you to reach me, off my high ground I am swept.
It only takes a little and I am caught in the middle,
Giving in to this feeling that has my body reeling.
Sensually and passionately you gently carry me...
Off to a place where I only have dreamt I'd be.
Our bodies seem to fit so perfectly together.
It's been so long I don't think I've ever felt better.
These feelings pull me into a world of desire,
A frenzy of passion that leaves me on fire.
The heart jumps in to join this ride...
Feelings now cause worlds to colide...
We sing songs of love and touch and cling,
to each moment we have as we desperetly drink,
of love? or of lust? ...
Is it our hearts that want? that crave the connection...
or our bodies that burn with the desire, and fear rejection.
The tests of time pass and we fall apart, but a smile is found
still in on our face and in our heart... each time we see,
each time we remember.. a song is heard and a fire still burns.
from the Love,
the Lust or
the LoSt us?
You make me smile, a little more on the inside.
I feel childish and free when I am by your side.
Truths flow from my lips, secrets I should have kept.
Ways for you to reach me, off my high ground I am swept.
It only takes a little and I am caught in the middle,
Giving in to this feeling that has my body reeling.
Sensually and passionately you gently carry me...
Off to a place where I only have dreamt I'd be.
Our bodies seem to fit so perfectly together.
It's been so long I don't think I've ever felt better.
These feelings pull me into a world of desire,
A frenzy of passion that leaves me on fire.
The heart jumps in to join this ride...
Feelings now cause worlds to colide...
We sing songs of love and touch and cling,
to each moment we have as we desperetly drink,
of love? or of lust? ...
Is it our hearts that want? that crave the connection...
or our bodies that burn with the desire, and fear rejection.
The tests of time pass and we fall apart, but a smile is found
still in on our face and in our heart... each time we see,
each time we remember.. a song is heard and a fire still burns.
from the Love,
the Lust or
the LoSt us?
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